Lessons from Fine Dining

I got to spend some time with my wife tonight. So, to maximize the evening, we decided to partake in some fine western Pennsylvania dining.

So we went to Applebees.

Saturday in Meadville means one of two things: People want to go out to eat at Applebees, or people want to go out to eat at Steak and Shake. (which was recently built just next to Applebees. Despite a great turnout from the residents of our fair... city-type thing, (whatever Meadville is classified as...), the wait was a mere 30 minutes.

30 minutes is a lot of time to think about what you're going to choose off of Applebees' menu. Do you go with Riblets? Perhaps you'd like to build your own combo. You can try a fantastically mediocre sirloin steak. Or a mediocre burger. Or some mediocre asian dish. It's all up to you. And as long as you'll take an average outcome, you won't be disappointed.

So Kate and I finally get a table, and enjoy the brisk draft coming from the lobby, where more and more people are walking to the hostess stand and getting pissy over a 30 minute wait to be seated. (I'm talking about some grown people stomping feet and making noises like 5 year olds because they can't eat RIGHT NOW.) I browse the menu, shrugging off the cold, and considered ordering a $9.99 combo meal. Pick an appetizer, an entree, and a dessert shot for $10. But that's a lot of food, and I've seen how you all address my stomach like its a 3rd person in the conversation. (Thanks for that, by the way, jerks.)

I flip to the "health conscious" section of the menu, marked by a change in the header color to the ever-healthy light blue indicator. I actually found something worth eating: Teriyaki Steak and Shrimp Skewers. (Also the hardest thing to say after a few beers.)

So after all that crap I just put you through, here's what I learned tonight: When at Applebee's, be aware of this combination... Steak and Shrimp Skewers + Weight Watchers = 2 pounds of Broccoli on your plate. I'm not kidding. I got 1 skewer with 5 shrimp on it, a small skewer with 6 steak cubes, a pile of rice pilaf, a thimble of teriyaki sauce, and a metric shit-ton of broccoli. There were no less than 25 florets on my plate. I hadn't eaten that much broccoli in the past decade... and there it was on my plate.

I was starting to believe that they brought out the wrong dish. Maybe someone ordered the never-ending steamed greens platter with a side of protein. But the mini-trees go surprisingly well with a Brutus glass of Yeung-Ling.

All in all, I'd say I got my $10 worth of vegetables. For the record, I didn't box up my leftovers. But, I know that if I wanted to, I could have a lucrative career in competitive broccoli eating. I guess its always good to have something to fall back on...