Whygene?

I'm a big fan of personal hygiene. Some call me a clean freak, but I'd like my smell to be one less thing people around me have to worry about. So I take all the ordinary measures: Shower, shave, apply deodorant, and so on and so forth. I go through the motions, but I started to get disturbed by my routine. (Not that I don't like smelling nice...)

I realized, while browsing ads at the grocery store, that these male hygiene companies are using really direct advertising strategies to sell their products. Companies like Old Spice, Axe Body Spray, and Bod are all playing on sexuality to increase their sales. The premise is simple: Smell good, get women.

On one side of the coin, it makes perfect sense. But upon closer inspection, I found the execution to be absolutely poor.

My lack of faith in their methods started at the store, while I was buying a new bottle of body wash. I started browsing the soap isle, and began to read the labels of the products. After 5 minutes, I couldn't decide what I'd rather smell like: "Pacific Tide" or "Fresh." Fresh what? Beef Tenderloin? Tuna? What does a Pacific Tide smell like? Isn't there a ton of pollution and dead fish in the Pacific? What woman would be attracted to that?
The trend of strange naming continues into the types of deodorant. I was face-to-face with "Arctic Chill" and "After Hours." If there was truth in advertising then "After Hours" would smell like a bar floor, stale cigarettes, and cheap perfume. And if anything is going to bring home the ladies, that's it.

My wife, on the other hand, gets "Aloe Vera Orange Passion Fruit Smoothie" deodorant. (Or something like that.) That sounds a lot more attractive.

Maybe an improvement in guy's products' would be more like, "Successful Banker" or "Owns a Lamborghini" or "Superstar Athlete." Maybe "Just swam in a big vat of money." On a more basic level it could be, "I clean my apartment once a week", or "Doesn't have a flatulence problem." That'll get the ladies. I mean, if you're going to impress the ladies with your smell, you might as well go all out, and it should sound damn impressive to boot.