And.... CUT!

I recently worked my last shift at Family Video. So now that I have no affilation with the company whatsoever, let me tell you what I think about it.

I have to say that it wasn't even close to being the worst place I've worked. In fact, I would rank it as one of the highest jobs in terms of workplace environment. (And not just because there would be movies playing in the background. But, that does beat the Muzak versions of "Under the Sea" that used to play at my other jobs.)

The big difference was the actual people that I worked with. Everyone from the hourly employees to the highest administrator was friendly, helpful, and courteous. It was really a refreshing change to work for a company where people truly helped each other out. On top of it all was the allowance of personality, which is usually not permitted in larger companies. (Follow the guidelines in the book. This is appropriate, this isn't. Change your beliefs accordingly.)

Some places I've worked hold that the customer is ALWAYS right, regardless of what the employee says. Basically, the employees get shafted and reprimanded for doing what they're supposed to do, and the customer gets to live out a really warped reality. (For example, someone asked for copies at a certain time, but due to limitations of the copy machines, it couldn't be completed in time. So the customer complained, got a really huge discount, and the employees got yelled at for saying 'no' to the customer. So the employees had to rush with an irate customer breathing down their necks, and didn't get as much for the project they completed. Stress + Less profit + unhappy employees = bad work environment. It happened many times at one of my past jobs. Almost daily.)

Family Video is pretty fast paced, especially considering that 2 people have to take care of the responsibilities of the entire store and all the customers in the store at the time. It was just nice to see a group of people that cared about what they were doing, and who had the skills to multitask and accomplish everything they were given. It wasn't all baskets of puppies and sunshine, but it could've been a lot worse.

I think Family Video is a great company, regardless of which side of the counter you're standing. Their prices for rental are fair, inexpensive, and flexible. Management is responsive, fun, and comprised of real people. No, its not a dream job, but it is light years beyond flipping burgers or other minimum wage jobs, solely due to the people and the attitude that represents Family Video.

That being said, I'm glad to be moving on to the next chapter of my life. While slinging movies was pretty fun, I'm going to feel more at home working at a liberal arts college in the Development / Alumni Affairs office. That sounds much more up my alley. But, from time-to-time, you'll be sure to find me at Family Video, taking advantage of the "Rent 3, get 1 Free" deals. (Remember Matt: Purple and Yellow Sticker ONLY!)

So, to any current FamVid staff members reading this: Thanks! I had a great time. And good luck to all of you! I promise to be a good customer. That means researching movies before I ask you for them. (i.e. making sure I have the name right...) I'll also make sure you get credit for the bundle deals and other promotions that are going on. I'll even renew my Half off discount card for the next 30 days...when it expires. And chances are that I'll help people on the floor when it's busy when they can't find "Porky's Revenge" or "Wrong Turn 2". (I have a feeling that people will still think I work there when I go to rent...)

Labels and Decision Making

In public, you will run into many different types of personalities. Recently, while working, I ran into perhaps one of the least desirable. A customer of ours has little to no ability to make a decision of his own. To make matters worst, he monopolizes the time of the staff to make these decisions for him.

Here's the scenario: People are coming into the store on a weekday afternoon to rent movies. Meanwhile, Opinion-Master is running around the store, picking up titles at random, and asking the closest employee their opinion about the movie. However, he asked the opinion by yelling across the store, and simply screamed out the name of the movie. "Have you seen 'The Good Shepard?' Is that a good one?" Meanwhile, we're helping other customers, who were actually waiting in line and polite.

Once the other customers were helped, we were more than happy to assist Opinion-master with looking for movies. Unfortunately, he didn't seem to appreciate our honest nature, especially when we hadn't seen the movie. If we said we didn't see the movie, his response was: "But you work in a video store." Seriously. By that logic, someone who works at a restaurant has eaten every dish on that menu. I haven't seen plenty of movies, mainly because I don't want to see them. They're not my taste. I'm not going to spend 2 hours of my life watching Pride and Prejudice just so I can give someone an opinion about it. I know that I'm not going to enjoy it, so why waste the time?

After 25 minutes, Opinion-Master comes to the counter and asks me about the "Rent 3, get 1 free" special that we always have. If you rent 3 movies that are 5 night new releases, then you get a 5 night new release for free. These movies are marked with a Purple and Yellow sticker which says: "5 Nights, $2.59." Easy, right? He told me he was interested in this deal. So I told him what to look for, complete with holding up a small sign with 4 of those Yellow and Purple stickers on them. I emphasised the sticker, and told him what to look for. (While pointing to my visual aid.) He comes back to the counter with 4 movies...3 of which AREN'T 5 NIGHT NEW RELEASES! I didn't want to make him feel like an ass, but he obviously didn't listen to a damn thing I said. I offered to show him around the store to show him where the 5 night new releases are on the shelves, but he declined. Instead, he started talking on his phone. He motioned for me to hurry up, yet he hadn't given me his name or phone number. So I waited, not wanting to interrupt and be rude like some other people in the store... (OPINION-MASTER RUDE GUY!)

He got off the phone, and wondered what his total was. I told him that I was waiting for his phone number. We squared everything away, and he ended up only taking 3 movies, none of which were eligible for the 5 night new release special. I was glad to see him go, but I know he'll be back. But, chances are good that I won't see him again...
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People haven't been butchering movie names quite as much lately. Maybe its because there are so many big-name movies coming out. No one is really going to mess up Shrek or Ocean's 13. (Well, at least beyond comprehension.) So I took to looking at the way movies are designated in the Family Video System for a new source of hilarity.

Some movies just aren't in the correct order. For example, "Return to House on Haunted Hill" is listed as an "H" movie. Officially, its "House on Haunted Hill - Return to" in FamVid Land. The labels only hold so much information, so some movies are made to be extra hilarious.

We have a wide array of Scooby Doo movies. The best thing about these movies is that they are mostly in the Free Kids' Movie section. The bad news is that many of them have really, really long titles. I think the most hilarious label belongs to a Scooby Holiday movie called "Scooby Doo: Merry Scary Holidays!" The label clearly states:

SCOOBY DOO: MERRY SCARY HO!

I knew Daphne was a bit skanky. I guess the eggnog brings it out a little more.

Other titles benefit from a listing of their stars. Movies that are subject to popular names or multiple remakes feature the name of actors or directors on their labels. (For example, Halloween (Carpenter) vs. Halloween (Zombie).) Well, I found my favorite one, which reminds me of breakfast when I used to go camping...(Ok, that one time I went camping...)

The movie is called "Trapped". It stars that guy from Footloose from which everyone is 6 degrees removed. Yes, the label says: "Trapped (Bacon)". Isn't that the way bacon is supposed to be? Who wants bacon just running free?

Sesame Street Games!

Here's a trip to your childhood. One of these things is not like the other... (Insert rest of song here...) Which one doesn't belong?

Goobers
Junior Mints
Snow Caps
Buncha Crunch
Cotton Candy
Jumbo tub of popcorn
120 oz soda
Twizzlers

Ideas? Well, they all seem to be unhealthy... yet strangely desirable. Let's think further... Some have chocolate in them... and others don't... That can't be it...

Hmmm... they all seem to be things that people buy at movie theaters before watching movies! Except... Hey! Isn't cotton candy food you get at the fair? What's that one doing there?

Hmmm.... is cotton candy movie food? Or should it be a side dish to something fried in fat while you check out the 4-H entries?

The reason I mention these things is because I recently had someone question why we have a cotton candy stand in our movie rental store. Even futher, they asked how often someone buys cotton candy from the display.

I don't know. I'm just wondering. Opinions? Is cotton candy movie food?

Save Money, Live Better, Think Less.

I usually don't make a mid-week run to Wal-mart unless something is very, very wrong. It just so happens that autumn finally reared its ugly little head. For me, autumn means sinus infections and allergies. Something about the leaves falling just sets my mucus membranes to "Full speed ahead". I get to feel miserable until I shake it though intervention from some magic capsules from a pharmacy. Well, I went to Wal-mart to check out some medicine and to get some soup.

I got to the medicine isle, and noticed a scrubby looking guy who was browsing medicines as well. I didn't have a clue what I was going to buy, but it had to have the words "severe" and "relief" on the box. I picked up a few to compare the active ingredients and dosages, when scrubby guy asked me a question.

"Do you know a lot about these things?" and shook a box in front of my face. It was for some kind of Tylenol allergy relief. I told him that I hadn't used those before.

"Oh, I've had something like this before." He picked up another box, which looked very similar to the other one. "I used this in the springtime. I was wondering if these ones, (which he was holding up initially in front of me), work better than the other ones. I heard the flavored ones get you better faster."

Yes, that's right. He measures the effectiveness of medicine by how good it tastes. For the record, they were marked "cool burst capsules" as compared to the regular gel tab ones. I told him that I wasn't a doctor, and told him to ask the lady behind the counter in the white lab coat. But nothing says healthy like a shot of the cool burst. I hear that's what they used to cure polio and smallpox. Just a little shot of the cool burst and you'll be out of that wheelchair in no time!

I passed on the medicine and just bought a lot of soup.

The Chocolate Chute and Being Considerate

One of the perks of having a membership with our particular rental establishment is accessibility. Lets say that you have a movie that you just completed, and you can't stand to have it in your home any more. (I'm talking like Jeff Goldblum's "Pittsburgh". What a bad movie...) But it's 2 am... And you HAVE to get rid of it now. Where do you ditch it? A park? Slip it in one of your relative's mailboxes? Ancient burial ground? Never fear! Because we have a 24 hour dropbox!

That's right. Our dropbox is always ready to receive your movies. Any day, any time. As you can imagine, we get our fair share of crazy things. Sometimes, people put the wrong movies in the wrong cases. So sometimes "Scooby Doo's Christmas" is in the case of "Raunchy MILF's Next Door." (You can imagine the hilarity!) Sometimes, we get back empty cases, because its not that important to have the actual DVD or anything. (And people get upset when we say that we don't have the movie back... "But I returned the case!" Well, sticking the plastic case in the DVD player won't work. 1.) It won't fit. 2.) If it did, I wouldn't be able to watch "Office Space" on it.) We also get a fair share of movies from other movie rental businesses. I don't know how it happens, but somehow people confuse the green and orange sign for a Blockbuster logo.

Today was a first though. While sorting movies from the dropbox, I noticed a red box. Someone had placed a foreign object in the slot. It was a box of semi-sweet baker's chocolate. In the dropbox. Among the movies. Now how do you confuse chocolate with a movie? The guy who put it in there eventually came back for it, but he wasn't exactly what you'd wish for in a customer. While another employee was assisting a customer on the phone, the chocolate-chucker stepped up to her. He then began to berate her for not dropping the phone call and pleasing his every whim. He told her some story about how an airport attendant at a ticket counter wouldn't pick up a phone and should've pulled the constantly ringing phone out of the wall. But everyone knows that story, right? (He assumed we both did.) So, she was rude for not dropping her existing conversation and helping someone who just arrived at the counter. Never mind that I was right next to her, waiting to help him out.

We gave him the chocolate back. Judging from his griping and depositing of chocolate in the movie dropbox, I think it's fair to say that he wasn't all there mentally. Objections?

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On a vague side note: We have a fair share of customers who frequent our adult room. For those who need it spelled out for you: "Adult Room" = Where we keep the porn films. I always feel a bit weird when I rent out these types of films to people. Personally, I don't care that they're watching porn. I mean, that's their time and they can spend it anyway they'd like. It's just the exchange and the transaction that I'm not so comfortable with...

So after I get their phone number, I get a screen with all the accounts for that number. Usually, there are female names listed... potentially wives or daughters or sisters... By whom the renter probably doesn't want to get caught watching porn. Then there's typically a screen which shows all the porn they haven't returned on time. Which usually prompts them to ask, "Which movies do I have a late fee on?" Now, you can't just say the names of the titles, since there are other people around. Discreet is the way to be. But some people just don't care. They're alright if you blurt out the fact that they rented "Horny Rodeo Clown Capers 28." Or that they've seen "Backwoods Alabama Family Gangbang Part Deux." But the other customers can't be subjected to that. So we have to be vague.

I think the most troubling part is when we hand them the videos. Most employees will end a conversation with a "Thanks", but I like to toss out the "Have a nice night" line. Isn't it kind of a no-brainer that someone renting a stack of adult films is going to have a good night? At least I haven't slipped and told someone to make sure to stretch before viewing... because that might be bad. (Although, in their best interests...)

More Movie Madness:

I received a phone call while working a few days ago. I have a rather masculine voice, so the question I received threw me off quite a bit.

I picked up the phone, gave the typical phone greeting, and was met by one of the craziest questions I've heard.

"What movies do you recommend for a 10 year old girl?" Ok lady. I'm a man. I have no idea what a 10 year old girl likes to watch. I told her that I had no kids, younger siblings, or idea what a 10 year old girl likes. I tried to help her, but she was rather unresponsive. "You mean you have no idea what my daughter would enjoy moviewise?"

Well, considering I don't know your daughter's interests, I'd have to say "no". Does she like Barbie? We have some of those movies. Maybe she's into Hannah Montana. We have those too. Maybe she likes sports. Bend it Like Beckham? Gracie? Seriously, I have no clue.

The lady was seriously bothered, (and she told me so), that I had no bearing of what 10 year old girls enjoy. Quite frankly, she should be happy that someone my age doesn't hang out with 10 year old girls. But instead, she chastised me for not knowing what her daughter enjoys in a movie. I'm such a crappy employee.

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A good ol' boy and his wife came into the store, intent on renting some movies. Some people are adventurous when they enter the store, and set off on their own to browse the shelves. Others decide to cut right to the front counter, name a bunch of movies they're interested in, and make the employees, (busy employees, at that), run around and grab the movies for them. Of course, I'm always willing to help out, but sometimes people are just too lazy to gain my sympathy. This guy was one of those people.

He took the pamphlet of the month's new movies, and just started to point to them. "I need this one, and this one, and this one... And hurry up, I have things to do." I explained that I could point him in the right direction, and that there were other customers to serve. (At this time, a line was forming to check out, and I wasn't about to leave the front of the store unsupervised...)

I told him how our store's alphabetical shelving system worked, and pointed him in the direction of all his movies. He refused to get them, instead wanting me to get all of the movies he wanted. I told him I'd do it after I was finished helping the customer I was with. 5 minutes and 15 customers later, he was still waiting for me to get the movies. I complied, got all 10 movies he wanted, and went to the register. He then proceeded to bitch about how slow I was, and how I wasn't willing to help him, despite the huge stack of movies I had before him. I responded by allowing him to rent 1 movie of his choice for free. (This totally made him happy.) So he thought long and hard until the smoke came out from under his plastic mesh trucker hat... He wanted an older movie... called...

Aren't-it-gettin.

What? Sounds like a Larry the Cable guy movie, doesn't it? I asked him for the name again. Second time: Aren't-it-gettin. Then I asked what it was about. He said it involved a big rock full of oil. Any clues readers? I asked who the stars of the movie were. He said Die Hard and the guy that was married to J-Lo.

Oh. Aren't-it-gettin. Or, as normal people say it: Armageddon. You know, where the giant meteor is going to hit Earth, but Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck blow it up. Then they play the Aerosmith song and Liv Tyler cries. Yeah. That's what he was talking about.

He chose that movie for free, which I got for him. For the record: Armageddon is a $1 movie. The others I offered to give him for free were $2.75. He insisted he get the $1 for free.
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A lady wanted a movie, really, really, really bad... and couldn't find it on the shelves. "My kids want to watch Rat-killers. I know it's out, but you don't have it."

"Rat Killers?", I asked. "Are you sure that's the name?"

"Oh, maybe its under 'D' for 'Disney's Rat-Killers'."

Or maybe its under 'R' for Ratatouille. The story about a rat that wants to become a chef... that gets released this week, and is not yet in stores.

I can't wait to see a Disney Movie called "Rat Killers." It'll make the death scene in Bambi look like when Prince Charming kissed Cinderella.

Maybe 10 year old girls will be into Disney's Rat Killers.