A Flash of Corporate Brilliance

Don't let the name Family Video fool you. This operation isn't a mom-and-pop business anymore. In fact, Family Video is now the 3rd largest video rental store in the US. That's big money, big spending, and big planning. With Halloween quickly approaching, corporate decided to do everything it could to maximize profits by capitalizing on the holiday.

So that means that movies get pulled from their regular places, redesignated, and repriced. Know that copy of "8-Legged-Freaks" that you got in the 2-for-$1 section the other night? Now its $1 and you get it for 2 nights instead of 5. See what they did there? (Regardless of how much you pay, that movie is horrible. Putting that movie in the "Halloween Favorites" section was strike #1 in my book...)

Besides horror, what else could they focus their energy into... candy! Right? Wrong. Candy is all the same. Nothing but the regular king-sized candy bars and air stuffed boxes of movie candy. (That's strike #2. Gotta push the candy.)

And for our big strike #3... They've introduced a healthy alternative to sugar on Halloween. I mean, what kid, in his or her right mind, wants to get candy by walking door to door on the last day of October? All children under 12 HATE candy and are very conscious of their dental health. So what does the hip person hand out to all those Halloweeners? Boo Bucks.

Yeah, I said it. Boo Bucks. (Oh, you thought I was talking about Halloweeners.)

Boo Bucks are essentially gift cards that are to be given out on Halloween instead of all that evil, evil sugary goodness. Hyper kids will be a thing of the past once they get a hold of Boo Bucks. Gone are the days of fun sized bars and Necco Wafers. Parents don't have to inspect Boo Bucks for razor blades or staples before their children enjoy them! Once the ghouls and goblins get their Boo Bucks, they simply visit Family Video and exchange the gift certificate for any $1 movie of their choice! How cool is that? What kid DOESN'T WANT BOO BUCKS!

Oh, did I mention that these handouts are $1 a piece? So, if you have 100 trick-or-treaters, you'd shell out $100 on these gift cards. (Oh, plus the labor you'll exert the next day in wiping egg off of your house and putting out the flaming bags of poo on your porch.) There is, however, a special deal on these Boo Bucks: Buy 20, and get 5 free. (Offer limited to one per person, please.) So, the 100 Boo Bucks would only really cost you $95, so its a real steal, right? (Wal-Mart candy: 50 pieces of assorted chocolates for $2. And you don't have to explain to each and every kid what that piece of plastic is that you just dropped in their plastic pumpkin pail.)

Call me a purist, but Halloween is an excuse to eat lots and lots of stuff that's bad for you. Kids are allowed to spend the next few months in a sugar coma for dressing all spooky. And that's the way its supposed to be. I hate to imagine if this catches on, but would kids eventually just get plastic cards for local stores? "Look mom! An L.L. Bean Dismal Dollar! I can afford to get my initials sewn on my backpack now!"

Way back in the day, Halloween used to be a day for appeasing the spirits of the dead before All-Saints Day. Then it turned into a day for eating candy and celebrating the childlike wonder of the sugar rush. Don't let it evolve further into a day of handing gift certificates to people you barely know. Isn't that what Christmas Office parties are for?

(As a side note, gift certificates for Halloween are also sold by Wendy's, McDonald's, and many other fast food locations. Didn't the kids do enough work to get to your door? Now you're making them walk to redeem what you gave them. What ever happened to instant gratification?)