My wife is out of town for a week, meaning I get to live quasi-bachelor life again. While I miss her, I still try to take advantage of this time alone and at least attempt to have fun. It gives me an opportunity to do things that wives frown on. (Well, not the deal breaker ones... but the things that I'd usually get a stern talking-to for even considering.)
Like shopping. Know what I enjoy doing at the store? When I'm shopping alone I like to immediately put a few boxes of Popsicles in my cart. It doesn't matter what kind- fudgesicles, pudding pops, variety fruit flavors... typically whatever is on sale and reasonable. I walk around with them in my cart and follow my list. I take my time, and without fail I always come across my target.
It's as good as a bulls eye. Its the big, race car themed shopping cart full of spoiled fucking brats... Vocal, drooling, whining undisciplined little monsters in a 5-sided cage. (Too bad there isn't a sixth side to keep them completely caged in. Mind you, this isn't your usual crying child. This is a clown car's worth of really loud and unruly kids. And pushing them around is a really flustered mom trying to keep her kids under wraps with the deadliest of motherly techniques: Counting. (ex. "If you don't sit your butt down by the time I count to three... one... twooooooo...) Its headache inducing all the way around. The sounds, smells, sights and psychological impact are all enough alone to ruin a shopping experience. That's when I go to work.
I reach for something in the general vicinity of the cart. I tell the kids that if they behave, their mom will buy them a nice box of Popsicles for the hot, hot day outside. I conveniently let her know that this brand, (I hold up the box), is on sale for $2. At this time, I've had the Popsicles in my cart for a good 20 minutes as I've been shopping. I then walk away, and prepare for the next phase.
I run my cart back to the frozen foods isle and place all my boxes of Popsicles in the front of the case. Later in line, I'll see the mom with all her little kids thinking about how wonderful the Popsicles will be. So... what's the point?
Well, in the worst case scenario, (from my perspective, at least), the Popsicles melt and refreeze. Have you ever seen a little kid eat a Popsicle? Then you know how messy it gets under normal conditions. Now imagine if the stick is covered in refreezed Popsicle... and multiply that by the number of kids. Little bastards covered in orange sugar liquid. Covering their hands and faces. Soaking into their clothes and pooling onto the floor. It would be just a huge mess. And maybe, just maybe, they'll touch the walls or furniture.
So I don't get to see the ensuing chaos, but I still get to see the effects of my scheming. Here are the results:
1.) It's instant gratification on my part. The kids shut up in the store because they're promised Popsicles. Its no secret that kids love Popsicles and are suckers for bribery. I get to enjoy the rest of my shopping experience in peace and quiet.
2.) The ensuing mess results in lots of grief for the parents, resulting in appropriate action. Since they didn't control their freakin' kids in an environment that wasn't theirs, (the store), they now have a big mess to take care of in their own place, meaning they'll probably me more driven to teach their kids to behave themselves. Teach your kids composure. I understand that everyone of all ages has a bad day, but I'm not going to buy that all 3 of your kids are misbehaving because they're all having bad days. What? Was Teletubbies a repeat? Did they kill off Barney? I'm not buying that crap, especially when it happens all the time.
So hopefully this leads parents to a) consider disciplining their kids and b) to reconsider having any future kids. The most effective form of birth control is watching a really out of control child. Hopefully this curbs any future impulses they have to produce the equivalent of mobile bullhorns with legs.
It might be a little underhanded, but I think its a proportionate response. After all, don't dish out the annoyance if you can't take it. Its also a lot more subtle that throwing boxes of condoms in their cart while they're not looking... although... the awkward explanation of what they are might be the kind of embarrassment these parents need...
Hmmm.... I'll have to remember that one for one of the cold winter months...
Monday, August 13, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Giving Up on Life... err.. in the virtual world!
I've always regarded myself as a social person. I don't suffer from anxiety or shy away from groups. Hell, if you've seen my friends you'd know that I don't shy away from individuals or different people. (Or weird people, because we're all a little twisted in some way or another...) But for the past two years I've been partaking in something that many see as anti-social: The online role-playing game.
Yes, I will admit it. I played World of Warcraft. (Past tense.) I was one of those people that was absorbed into a make-believe world. I spent many, many late nights running through dungeons and bragging about my loot, (items obtained from killing things or completing tasks), and talking to people around the world with my little headset. It was the kind of thing I would typically make fun of another person for doing, yet I spent so much time doing it myself. At the last tally, my total playing time was over 85 hours over the past 2 years. Over 2 weeks straight of my life were spent playing a game.
As I usually do, I've been reflecting on my time spent playing Warcraft. Of course, this means that I'm giving it up. I'm done. Finished. Washing my hands of the experience. As I mentioned, I had a great time playing this game. (Past tense) It got to a point where the time I would have to spend to progress further was just too demanding. I have a wife who I love very much. I like to see her and interact with her from time to time. And I wasn't willing to give that time up for what was essentially pixels of a sword and nerd bragging rights. There is no end to the game, but rather an open story line that keeps getting expanded by software upgrades, which must be purchased. The initial game was about $39.99 plus $15 per month to keep your account active. In addition, each expansion pack is $25, meaning that Warcraft is costly in the economic sense.
I was drawn into the game by the scope of the entire thing. It was a huge new world with very few limitations. The social side of me was pleased with the number of like-minded people that I interacted with. These people turned into allies, and later teammates, then guildmates, and then online friends. We'd talk about all kinds of things on our voice-server, and even knew enough about each other to spread some inside jokes. But all of that ended when things got too demanding.
A big line was drawn when Blizzard, (The company behind Warcraft), released the first expansion pack. This separated the casual gamers from the "die hard, I have no life outside of this game" gamers. This put a huge fissure in the group I had been playing with, and therefore caused everyone to go their own way. The ones that stuck together were further separated by the speed of their achievement, and some unexpected real life twists. Either way, everyone ended up doing their own thing.
Just like in real life, a big group can accomplish more than individuals fending for themselves. Unfortunately, there is only a certain plateau that a single player can reach in the World of Warcraft. After that point, a player needs to group with up to 24 other characters to accomplish goals. Logistically, this can prove to be a worse nightmare than watching Star Jones wrestle Rosanne in a vat of mayo. (Not pretty.) Even worse, it can cause a lot of stress and hostility in something that is supposed to be a game. Last time I checked, games were a leisure activity, and therefore supposed to be fun. Well, it stopped being fun and became a chore. For three hours a night I'd be so anxious to get to the next checkpoint or boss or whatever... only to be disappointed that there weren't others that shared my drive to get further... but why? Why did it matter that we killed a certain fictional character? (Even sillier is the fact that the thing we killed would be resurrected in a mere 24 hours after we killed it, meaning we'd have to kill it all over again...)
I think the draw to this sort of game is pretty clear now. There are days when everything absolutely sucks: You get reamed at work, or don't get enough accomplished, or just have a shitty case of the Mondays. But, I could come home, leave all that stuff behind, and make progress that was psychologically significant. I could kill a big effin' dragon after I couldn't meet a customer's deadline at work. It was a victory amidst small failures. And when everything went well at work, it provided even more victories for an even bigger ego boost. It was fulfillment for minimal work... which was the exact opposite of what I was receiving at work in the real world. (No recognition, no honor, no fanfare. Just headaches.) It took no skill. It was nothing more that moving a mouse, hitting some number keys in a timely fashion, and clicking some more. Yes, a pigeon could do it. But for some reason, it was the most fun thing imaginable.
I have to say that I'm a little conflicted in giving up the game. I'd love to see what else is coming up, but I feel like I already have an idea. When the expansion was released, everyone was really excited to see the changes. Blizzard had made changes, but most of them were uninspired, poorly thought out, and were hasty fixes to release the new content on time. (Which they failed to do... there were many delays.) For example, many enemies were recycled by changing the name of the creature and the color. Creative, no? New dungeons were shorter, with little to no storyline. Successive weapons only improved by baby steps, meaning that reaching the apex of one's development was slowed by many minimal upgrades in weaponry.
In the long run, I'm sure this will be the right decision. There is a lot more that I can do with all my free time. I've been wanting to write more, and I've found that I would often sacrifice my creative energy to play on the computer. It was an effective output, but I have nothing to show for it. Perhaps now I'll be able to get some of my ideas on paper and turn them into something that will last... (At the very least, it'll be something for my kids to read. I guess...)
I wouldn't persuade anyone to avoid a MMORPG. They're really a lot of fun. But first measure what you'll be giving up to play this game, and really think about if it'll be worth it. Think about what all that time playing a game will get you in the end. Friends? Maybe. A bitchin' tan? Not unless you have a laptop. Girls? Not a chance buddy. But if you are really turning to a game to fix these issues, then you need to spend some more time around real people. Its easy to live a significant life in an insignificant world, but the easy way doesn't get you anything. Focus more time into the harder real world, and maybe you'll find some actual real treasure. Or a big effin' dragon.
So long Warcraft.
Yes, I will admit it. I played World of Warcraft. (Past tense.) I was one of those people that was absorbed into a make-believe world. I spent many, many late nights running through dungeons and bragging about my loot, (items obtained from killing things or completing tasks), and talking to people around the world with my little headset. It was the kind of thing I would typically make fun of another person for doing, yet I spent so much time doing it myself. At the last tally, my total playing time was over 85 hours over the past 2 years. Over 2 weeks straight of my life were spent playing a game.
As I usually do, I've been reflecting on my time spent playing Warcraft. Of course, this means that I'm giving it up. I'm done. Finished. Washing my hands of the experience. As I mentioned, I had a great time playing this game. (Past tense) It got to a point where the time I would have to spend to progress further was just too demanding. I have a wife who I love very much. I like to see her and interact with her from time to time. And I wasn't willing to give that time up for what was essentially pixels of a sword and nerd bragging rights. There is no end to the game, but rather an open story line that keeps getting expanded by software upgrades, which must be purchased. The initial game was about $39.99 plus $15 per month to keep your account active. In addition, each expansion pack is $25, meaning that Warcraft is costly in the economic sense.
I was drawn into the game by the scope of the entire thing. It was a huge new world with very few limitations. The social side of me was pleased with the number of like-minded people that I interacted with. These people turned into allies, and later teammates, then guildmates, and then online friends. We'd talk about all kinds of things on our voice-server, and even knew enough about each other to spread some inside jokes. But all of that ended when things got too demanding.
A big line was drawn when Blizzard, (The company behind Warcraft), released the first expansion pack. This separated the casual gamers from the "die hard, I have no life outside of this game" gamers. This put a huge fissure in the group I had been playing with, and therefore caused everyone to go their own way. The ones that stuck together were further separated by the speed of their achievement, and some unexpected real life twists. Either way, everyone ended up doing their own thing.
Just like in real life, a big group can accomplish more than individuals fending for themselves. Unfortunately, there is only a certain plateau that a single player can reach in the World of Warcraft. After that point, a player needs to group with up to 24 other characters to accomplish goals. Logistically, this can prove to be a worse nightmare than watching Star Jones wrestle Rosanne in a vat of mayo. (Not pretty.) Even worse, it can cause a lot of stress and hostility in something that is supposed to be a game. Last time I checked, games were a leisure activity, and therefore supposed to be fun. Well, it stopped being fun and became a chore. For three hours a night I'd be so anxious to get to the next checkpoint or boss or whatever... only to be disappointed that there weren't others that shared my drive to get further... but why? Why did it matter that we killed a certain fictional character? (Even sillier is the fact that the thing we killed would be resurrected in a mere 24 hours after we killed it, meaning we'd have to kill it all over again...)
I think the draw to this sort of game is pretty clear now. There are days when everything absolutely sucks: You get reamed at work, or don't get enough accomplished, or just have a shitty case of the Mondays. But, I could come home, leave all that stuff behind, and make progress that was psychologically significant. I could kill a big effin' dragon after I couldn't meet a customer's deadline at work. It was a victory amidst small failures. And when everything went well at work, it provided even more victories for an even bigger ego boost. It was fulfillment for minimal work... which was the exact opposite of what I was receiving at work in the real world. (No recognition, no honor, no fanfare. Just headaches.) It took no skill. It was nothing more that moving a mouse, hitting some number keys in a timely fashion, and clicking some more. Yes, a pigeon could do it. But for some reason, it was the most fun thing imaginable.
I have to say that I'm a little conflicted in giving up the game. I'd love to see what else is coming up, but I feel like I already have an idea. When the expansion was released, everyone was really excited to see the changes. Blizzard had made changes, but most of them were uninspired, poorly thought out, and were hasty fixes to release the new content on time. (Which they failed to do... there were many delays.) For example, many enemies were recycled by changing the name of the creature and the color. Creative, no? New dungeons were shorter, with little to no storyline. Successive weapons only improved by baby steps, meaning that reaching the apex of one's development was slowed by many minimal upgrades in weaponry.
In the long run, I'm sure this will be the right decision. There is a lot more that I can do with all my free time. I've been wanting to write more, and I've found that I would often sacrifice my creative energy to play on the computer. It was an effective output, but I have nothing to show for it. Perhaps now I'll be able to get some of my ideas on paper and turn them into something that will last... (At the very least, it'll be something for my kids to read. I guess...)
I wouldn't persuade anyone to avoid a MMORPG. They're really a lot of fun. But first measure what you'll be giving up to play this game, and really think about if it'll be worth it. Think about what all that time playing a game will get you in the end. Friends? Maybe. A bitchin' tan? Not unless you have a laptop. Girls? Not a chance buddy. But if you are really turning to a game to fix these issues, then you need to spend some more time around real people. Its easy to live a significant life in an insignificant world, but the easy way doesn't get you anything. Focus more time into the harder real world, and maybe you'll find some actual real treasure. Or a big effin' dragon.
So long Warcraft.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)