(Originally Posted June 29, 2006)
Many times, I ask myself, "Hey Matt... (What?) ... What kind of an impression are we leaving on history as the 80's generation?" (What a great question!) I often wonder how my children's children will look back on the cultural progress and maturity of this day in age. What will be our 5th symphony...our defining work of cultural superority?
I've found the answer, and quite frankly, I'm scared. Lets focus on a very popular song that I've heard people absolutely rave about. It comes to us off of an album titled "A Girl Like Me." This performer hails from Barbados and is only 18 years old... Lets give it up for.... Rihanna!
(applause... as sarcastic as clapping your hands together can possibly be...)
The song is called "Unfaithful", and I've taken the liberty to not only give you the lyrics, but also to give you a quick side-by-side analysis of the fantasitc picture it paints for the future generations... that will critique us... in writing.... and compare us to the times of Elvis and Rock 'N Roll....
Comments will appear in parentheses...and in red.
Unfaithful, by Rihanna. (Hold your applause this time....)
Story of my life (All 18 years of it)
Searching for the right (the right what? Shoe? color of wallpaper?)But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
(She's saddened by something... I bet its her own dumbass fault...)
cause it seems that wrong
really loves my company (Yeah yeah... share your misery...Woe is me... I'm a rich popstar with a top 10 on the Billboard countdown)
Hes more than a man (He's part girl too? A transexual maybe?)
and this is more than love
the reason that this guy is blue (He's in blue man group? ROCK!)
the clouds are rolling in
because I'm gone again
and to him I just can't be true (See! I told you! Its her own damn fault!)
and I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
(and he's still with you because....?)and it kills him inside
to know that I am happy with some other guy
(So... why don't you dump him to be with the other guy? Moron.....)
I can see him dying
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
a murderer
(Side note: When she said this line, it sounds like she has marbles in her mouth... "a muhdaraaaaah")
I feel it in the air
(Phil Collins can too. Maybe he and Rihanna are related.)
as I'm doing my hair
preparing for another day
(Another day of your infedelity and murdering ways. Is this a soap opera??? I hope not... if she kills herself, the writers could still write her back in, but with a significantly less talented singer in her place. I wonder what Michelle Branch has been up to... )
A kiss up on my cheek
He's here reluctantly
as if I'm gonna be out late
(Well, drinking ,whoring, and deceit usually takes awhile...)
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
(*cough* *cough* *coughBULLSHITcough*)
A liar didn't have to tell
Because we both know
where I'm about to go (The Jerry Springer Show?)
and we know it very well
cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
and it kills him inside
to know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying (Haven't we been over this already?)
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
a murderer (MWAHDAHRAAAAAAAAH!)
His trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
(Maybe, you should start with the gun to YOUR head. I'm sure his family would appreciate it...as would my eardrums.)
I don't wanna do this
Anymore (anymore)
I don't wanna do this anymore
(THEN DON'T! YOU WHINY BITCH!)
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
a murderer [a murderer] (Muhdahraaaaaaaaah! Mahbahlaaaaaah!)
No no no no
(Obligatory No,no,no,no's)
Yeah yeah yeah
(Why can't she stop contradicting herself? She doesn't want to go, but is happy with another guy? She doesn't want to kill the guy everytime, but won't let him go. Now she just said "no" like 8 times...and starts saying YEAH YEAH YEAH! Make up your damn mind!)
What will this tell future generations about the way things were handled in the year 2006?
1.) Cheating happened all the time in relationships. (This is true)
2.) Complaining about things within your control also happened all the time, and sometimes in music form. (Thank the Sweet Lord that I haven't figured out how to play guitar yet... YET.)
3.) Even when simple solutions make themselves known, the generations of 2006 were too fucking lazy to implement them. If she would just break up with him, they could both go their separate ways and that would be the end of it. Well, until she realized she made a mistake, called him a thousand times to reconcile, only to be turned down... until the guy went out with his friends, had too much to drink, then drunk-dialed his cheatin' skank ass ex ho, and wakes up, butt-nekkid next to her in bed the next morning. Then the cycle of cheating/hiding the truth starts all over again. They also will probably get married and then quickly divorced.
4.) 2006 is when Men stopped being manly. A guy suspecting a cheating significant other in the 1960's would've given her a whatfor right to the curb. This guy watches it happen, doesn't say anything, and cries himself to sleep as his woman gets tag-teamed at the club. What a little bitch! Hey buddy: How about you grow a pair, tell her to get the fuck out, and move on to someone hotter who doesn't swallow marbles for a living?
5.) Rihanna and her other contributions, (Pon de Replay? WTF does that mean?), will prove that our taste sucks. Big time. And then the future people will see the pictures of a naked, pregnant Britney Spears, and they'll have all the confirmation of our poor taste that they'll ever need.
I believe that children ARE our future... But we're their past, so lets make them pay for all the laughing they're going to do at our mistakes. Let's triple social security funds for anyone who can't name 10 albums from the 80's, and sing at least one song off of that album. Yeah!
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Blast From the Past III:Holiday Wishes from Lafayette
(Originally Posted December 12, 2006)
I went to the mall yesterday to finish shopping for Kate. The mall and I have a love/hate relationship. See, I have fond memories of huge Ohio malls, with diverse stores and chock'd full o' Christmas spirit. There were sidewalk sales and well-developed food courts.
Not so in Indiana.
To preface this entire thing, I'm a fan of consumerism. Hell, we live in America: land of overspending, busting credit card limits, and holidays that are paid for 12 months after they've passed. Debt consolodation and counseling are undoubtably American inventions. While such things are unwise, I still find the "going beyond one's means to make the holidays special" attitude to be a bit endearing. I however, do not encourage it.
I also don't encourage the jackassery that I see at the malls during the holiday seasons. Instead of goodwill towards each other, I see people pushing, shoving, and doing anything possible to get the best deal. (Sure, we've all seen it on the news, in cheesy present day holiday movies, etc... but its really different when you see it live. You do a double-take when it happens, and ponder how Mrs.-Everyday-Housewife learned how to deliver such a vicious clothesline.) It would be nice to see a little more courtesy in public, especially in front of kids. Unfortunately, I tend to see that the over-the-top spending and the jackassery tend to go hand-in-hand.
Yesterday, (back to the subject at hand!), while shopping for my wife, a lady was pushing her kid through the mall in the stroller. The kid, (which was a little girl), looked pretty big for her age, and was probably capable of walking. I'm not sure if the stroller was to contain the girl or to help mom along in her breakneck shopping. (After all, it was the 11th. ONLY 14 SHOPPING DAYS WERE LEFT! OH MY GOD, EVERYONE PANIC!) The lady was in a very noticable hurry, and had a pretty big collection of bags from assorted stores in the mall. She was weaving in and out of people as she pushed her way through the mall. As fast as a walker as I am, she easily passed me up, and met a roadblock of sorts just ahead of me. There was a couple blocking her way, walking at a much slower pace.
Well, Lady + stroller demon couldn't get around these people, so impatiently, the lady closed right up behind them. She belted out an impatient "Excuse me!", (I wish I could put some extra emphasis on the attitude she displayed here, but I can't do so in writing. I'm also unable to convey that kind of attitude with my voice, because I'm not THAT big of an ass), but the couple kept at their slow pace.
Enter stroller hellspawn. The little girl SCREAMS out "GET OUT OF THE WAY!" in one of the most annoying tones you can imagine. Everything about it was ugly: The shrieking, the tone, the absorbtion of the mother's attitude. I realized that I'd have to put up with not one, but two, generations of this lady's impatient nature. The mother cut to the other side of the mall, down a ramp, and into The Gap, probably to buy her little "princess" some overpriced overalls and a bucket hat.
Meanwhile, the roadblock couple discussed the event. The woman said something to the effect of "What a cute little girl. Wasn't she cute?" (Obvious sarcasm.) The man replied: "I ain't saying she's cute. I don't mess with kids. I ain't no pedestrian."
Attention people of Lafayette: Pedestrians = ok. Pedophiles = not ok. I guess those people were slower in more ways than one.
I quickly passed them, my head shaking the entire way out of the mall.
I went to the mall yesterday to finish shopping for Kate. The mall and I have a love/hate relationship. See, I have fond memories of huge Ohio malls, with diverse stores and chock'd full o' Christmas spirit. There were sidewalk sales and well-developed food courts.
Not so in Indiana.
To preface this entire thing, I'm a fan of consumerism. Hell, we live in America: land of overspending, busting credit card limits, and holidays that are paid for 12 months after they've passed. Debt consolodation and counseling are undoubtably American inventions. While such things are unwise, I still find the "going beyond one's means to make the holidays special" attitude to be a bit endearing. I however, do not encourage it.
I also don't encourage the jackassery that I see at the malls during the holiday seasons. Instead of goodwill towards each other, I see people pushing, shoving, and doing anything possible to get the best deal. (Sure, we've all seen it on the news, in cheesy present day holiday movies, etc... but its really different when you see it live. You do a double-take when it happens, and ponder how Mrs.-Everyday-Housewife learned how to deliver such a vicious clothesline.) It would be nice to see a little more courtesy in public, especially in front of kids. Unfortunately, I tend to see that the over-the-top spending and the jackassery tend to go hand-in-hand.
Yesterday, (back to the subject at hand!), while shopping for my wife, a lady was pushing her kid through the mall in the stroller. The kid, (which was a little girl), looked pretty big for her age, and was probably capable of walking. I'm not sure if the stroller was to contain the girl or to help mom along in her breakneck shopping. (After all, it was the 11th. ONLY 14 SHOPPING DAYS WERE LEFT! OH MY GOD, EVERYONE PANIC!) The lady was in a very noticable hurry, and had a pretty big collection of bags from assorted stores in the mall. She was weaving in and out of people as she pushed her way through the mall. As fast as a walker as I am, she easily passed me up, and met a roadblock of sorts just ahead of me. There was a couple blocking her way, walking at a much slower pace.
Well, Lady + stroller demon couldn't get around these people, so impatiently, the lady closed right up behind them. She belted out an impatient "Excuse me!", (I wish I could put some extra emphasis on the attitude she displayed here, but I can't do so in writing. I'm also unable to convey that kind of attitude with my voice, because I'm not THAT big of an ass), but the couple kept at their slow pace.
Enter stroller hellspawn. The little girl SCREAMS out "GET OUT OF THE WAY!" in one of the most annoying tones you can imagine. Everything about it was ugly: The shrieking, the tone, the absorbtion of the mother's attitude. I realized that I'd have to put up with not one, but two, generations of this lady's impatient nature. The mother cut to the other side of the mall, down a ramp, and into The Gap, probably to buy her little "princess" some overpriced overalls and a bucket hat.
Meanwhile, the roadblock couple discussed the event. The woman said something to the effect of "What a cute little girl. Wasn't she cute?" (Obvious sarcasm.) The man replied: "I ain't saying she's cute. I don't mess with kids. I ain't no pedestrian."
Attention people of Lafayette: Pedestrians = ok. Pedophiles = not ok. I guess those people were slower in more ways than one.
I quickly passed them, my head shaking the entire way out of the mall.
Blast From the Past II: Religous Intolerance Intolerance
(From January 9th, 2007)
Ok, so there are a lot of undesirable things about Indiana. As you can tell from some of my past blogs, I really don't like this place. (Not because its just not home, but there's no real spirit or vibrance here...) To add to my dislike of this place I'll introduce the following.
As I was walking around campus today, I noticed one of the workers, (no doubt a longtime Indiana resident), in a discussion with another worker. I caught the tail end of the discussion, but I at least got a pretty good idea of what they were talking about. Apparently, one of the staff members turned down a chance to go to a holiday party due to a conflict with a holy month. (Chances are that it was an Islamic Holy month.) Anyways, the Islamic staffer chose not to go because there would be food, and this month required fasting. Well, the two workers were very critical of this, saying that not going to the party was "stupid". In addition, one of the guys said something about him "having the wrong religion anyways."
Can you believe that? How can one person be so close minded about another person's beliefs? Its this kind of self-righteous, everything-I-do-and-think-is-correct mindset that makes me dislike Indiana more and more. At least they didn't mention their plans to forceably convert this worker in the middle of the party. (I really would've gone off then.)
Don't get me wrong: I'm Catholic. Catholics have been notorious for forcing their will upon other religions. (And there was that Inquisition thing too...) But that doesn't make it right. Who is to say who has the right and wrong perception of religion?
Here's how I see it: We're all different people. We all come from different backgrounds, different experiences, and different perspectives. Why can't we all have different perspectives on God? Where someone might see multiple deities, maybe I see different characteristics of God. (Like, instead of Ares, the God of War, I see it as God's Old Testament Vengeful streak.) Is is possible that we're all viewing the same thing, but perceiving it through our own respective filters?
While I haven't loved my past jobs, I have learned a lot from them. (And many of the lessons aren't just about paper management or how to fire employees.) In printing, I learned that everything is relative to the observer. (which is a very deep lesson to learn from something that doesn't seem overtly important.) I can't count how many times a client wanted text or a photo to be printed a certain color, only to be dissapointed at the outcome. They would request that the sky be Blue. Well, the printer's operator would adjust the machine to make it blue to their (the operator's) standards, which would NOT be the blue the client had in mind. The blue the client had in mind would be more of a lighter shade of blue. Apparently, not everyone perceives "blue" as the same color.
Now, as simplistic as colors are, could it be far fetched to say that intrepreting something as complex as a higher omnipotent being could lead to varying opinions and outlooks?
I'm not saying that any one religion is correct. Sure, I'd be biased to say that the Catholic view is correct and the only way to go. That's my religion of choice. That's what I think closest represents my views of God, or Allah, Shiva or Science, or whatever you believe in. Does that mean Catholocism is the end-all answer to what God is? No. Its an IDEA of what God is. (I recommend watching Dogma, you'll get it.) Now, that doesn't mean I think that other religions are wrong. Different cultures with different experiences will view things in different ways, and I accept that. But, I accept that because I know that I don't completely know what God is.
Here's what I know so far. There's something responsible for why we are here. There's something that causes things to happen. Its bigger than me. Its bigger than all of us. Its so big, that no one can completely comprehend it. I call it God, because as a human, I tend to simplify things to help digest the vast amounts of things that "God" has created and controls. That's how I see the overarching power. And its wrong, but its probably partially right too. I might never know which parts of my philospohy are correct, but does it really matter? Will I die, get to Heaven, and get a cookie because I was correct in believing that God made the earth in only 7 days?
Of course, the afterlife is a completely different subject. Maybe we can just agree on one thing: In life, don't be an ass to other people. Being nice is the way to be. But, don't let others take advantage of you, or hurt the people you care about. Nowhere does it say that the person that is more correct is holier than the one who was wrong.
Does it say anywhere in the Bible that the person who was right will get into Heaven? Sure, it says to believe in God, but it doesn't explicitly say WHAT to believe about God. I believe he's more powerful than me, because I can't create all of being.
And on the topic of the Holy Books: Since the Higher Being can't be completely and directly observed, doesn't it make sense that the true messages of these books can't be directly viewed too? Look at the Bible: Its intrepretive. People: Please don't take everything it says literally. There are lessons behind things like parables, which are the true morals of the stories. Sure, everyone can spout off the moral of "The Little Engine that Could", but they have trouble doing the same with books in the Bible. Try it out! There's some good stuff hidden in that old book. Try it with your respective Holy Books: I bet you find a lot more than you bargined for.
So, imposing your religious views is foolish. Imagine if we fought a war with China to make them see Blue in the same shade that we do. Do people really need to argue, suffer, and (most tragically) die over something that we can't prove? Or something that even if we could prove it, that we couldn't comprehend?
Assumptions about religion are dangerous. The most dangerous assumption is that you are 100% correct.
Those are my opinions. They're neither right, nor wrong. They're probably a bit of both.
Ok, so there are a lot of undesirable things about Indiana. As you can tell from some of my past blogs, I really don't like this place. (Not because its just not home, but there's no real spirit or vibrance here...) To add to my dislike of this place I'll introduce the following.
As I was walking around campus today, I noticed one of the workers, (no doubt a longtime Indiana resident), in a discussion with another worker. I caught the tail end of the discussion, but I at least got a pretty good idea of what they were talking about. Apparently, one of the staff members turned down a chance to go to a holiday party due to a conflict with a holy month. (Chances are that it was an Islamic Holy month.) Anyways, the Islamic staffer chose not to go because there would be food, and this month required fasting. Well, the two workers were very critical of this, saying that not going to the party was "stupid". In addition, one of the guys said something about him "having the wrong religion anyways."
Can you believe that? How can one person be so close minded about another person's beliefs? Its this kind of self-righteous, everything-I-do-and-think-is-correct mindset that makes me dislike Indiana more and more. At least they didn't mention their plans to forceably convert this worker in the middle of the party. (I really would've gone off then.)
Don't get me wrong: I'm Catholic. Catholics have been notorious for forcing their will upon other religions. (And there was that Inquisition thing too...) But that doesn't make it right. Who is to say who has the right and wrong perception of religion?
Here's how I see it: We're all different people. We all come from different backgrounds, different experiences, and different perspectives. Why can't we all have different perspectives on God? Where someone might see multiple deities, maybe I see different characteristics of God. (Like, instead of Ares, the God of War, I see it as God's Old Testament Vengeful streak.) Is is possible that we're all viewing the same thing, but perceiving it through our own respective filters?
While I haven't loved my past jobs, I have learned a lot from them. (And many of the lessons aren't just about paper management or how to fire employees.) In printing, I learned that everything is relative to the observer. (which is a very deep lesson to learn from something that doesn't seem overtly important.) I can't count how many times a client wanted text or a photo to be printed a certain color, only to be dissapointed at the outcome. They would request that the sky be Blue. Well, the printer's operator would adjust the machine to make it blue to their (the operator's) standards, which would NOT be the blue the client had in mind. The blue the client had in mind would be more of a lighter shade of blue. Apparently, not everyone perceives "blue" as the same color.
Now, as simplistic as colors are, could it be far fetched to say that intrepreting something as complex as a higher omnipotent being could lead to varying opinions and outlooks?
I'm not saying that any one religion is correct. Sure, I'd be biased to say that the Catholic view is correct and the only way to go. That's my religion of choice. That's what I think closest represents my views of God, or Allah, Shiva or Science, or whatever you believe in. Does that mean Catholocism is the end-all answer to what God is? No. Its an IDEA of what God is. (I recommend watching Dogma, you'll get it.) Now, that doesn't mean I think that other religions are wrong. Different cultures with different experiences will view things in different ways, and I accept that. But, I accept that because I know that I don't completely know what God is.
Here's what I know so far. There's something responsible for why we are here. There's something that causes things to happen. Its bigger than me. Its bigger than all of us. Its so big, that no one can completely comprehend it. I call it God, because as a human, I tend to simplify things to help digest the vast amounts of things that "God" has created and controls. That's how I see the overarching power. And its wrong, but its probably partially right too. I might never know which parts of my philospohy are correct, but does it really matter? Will I die, get to Heaven, and get a cookie because I was correct in believing that God made the earth in only 7 days?
Of course, the afterlife is a completely different subject. Maybe we can just agree on one thing: In life, don't be an ass to other people. Being nice is the way to be. But, don't let others take advantage of you, or hurt the people you care about. Nowhere does it say that the person that is more correct is holier than the one who was wrong.
Does it say anywhere in the Bible that the person who was right will get into Heaven? Sure, it says to believe in God, but it doesn't explicitly say WHAT to believe about God. I believe he's more powerful than me, because I can't create all of being.
And on the topic of the Holy Books: Since the Higher Being can't be completely and directly observed, doesn't it make sense that the true messages of these books can't be directly viewed too? Look at the Bible: Its intrepretive. People: Please don't take everything it says literally. There are lessons behind things like parables, which are the true morals of the stories. Sure, everyone can spout off the moral of "The Little Engine that Could", but they have trouble doing the same with books in the Bible. Try it out! There's some good stuff hidden in that old book. Try it with your respective Holy Books: I bet you find a lot more than you bargined for.
So, imposing your religious views is foolish. Imagine if we fought a war with China to make them see Blue in the same shade that we do. Do people really need to argue, suffer, and (most tragically) die over something that we can't prove? Or something that even if we could prove it, that we couldn't comprehend?
Assumptions about religion are dangerous. The most dangerous assumption is that you are 100% correct.
Those are my opinions. They're neither right, nor wrong. They're probably a bit of both.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Desperation From a Giant
Today was pretty boring. I pulled a few hooks out of the wall. There were a few TV shows on, but nothing that was blog-worthy. I decided to do something bold: I went out into the community. (Ok, it was just for lunch. I was hungry. Sue me.) With only a few dollars in my wallet, I quickly ruled out being anything but a dollar menu superstar. (I was really considering going to The Whole Darn Thing Sub Shop, which is really good for a local sub shop.)
When you're hungry in Meadville there's only one road you need to visit: Park Avenue. Park is home of just about every fast food place in creation. I took a quick drive down the street just to take in the options. Arbys, Long John Silvers, Subway, blah. Then, I saw the arches. It had been awhile since I'd had McDonalds. I always considered a craving for Mickey D's as a sign that my body secretly hated me, but I decided to indulge this time. Plus, a Big Mac Extra Value meal was only $3.99. It basically sells itself.
I've seen plenty of strange things on McDonald's menu. The McRib. The MDP, (which was named after Browns' Defensive Lineman Michael Dean Perry. It was 3 burgers, tons of bacon, and enough cheese to tide a Wisconsin resident over for a month. Nasty.) McDonald's even had pizza and burritos at one point. (And lobster in Maine!) But what I saw today totally baffled my mind.
The McBag of Ice.
No, really. Its a bag of ice. Now low bad does McDonald's quarterly earnings have to be for them to start selling ice? How long until they start selling McStacks of napkins? Or Mc-2ply toilet paper? I asked one of the employees about the sign, but only got a partial response. It was something about people always asking for more ice. Like someone is going to order a cheeseburger with a side of ice.
I can only imagine that this is extraordinary ice. The nutritional values are probably unusually high in sodium and fat, and probably don't provide significant amounts of any vitamins or minerals. It is most likely the only ice that could lead to a corinary. Right.
Lesson learned: If you're bored in Meadville, drive around. You're bound to find something to break the monotony.
An Open Letter to:
Dear Reggae Artists of the World,
I realize that what you do takes skill, dedication, and spirit, yet I can't help but ask you this question: What the hell are you saying?
I can distinctly make out the steel drums and your catchy club-thumping beats. I can make out parts of your chorus, but that's all. Ask me to decipher something from your verses. Hold me at gunpoint and make me recite the words you've "sung". I can't do it. No amount of pressure could help me. Is it English? Or is Reggae officially a completely independent language? Why is this news to me?
Creativity isn't something that comes easy in this life. The same holds true for hard work. Pairing the two together is, as you'd imagine, an even greater rarity. That is why both are devoid of existence in your genre of music. Let me inform you as to why this is so. For greater clarity, I will address issues with some of your more popular "artists" and their styles.
Reggae typically features a rhyming scheme. But typically the rhymes are facilitated by altering words so they magically sound alike. Singers like Rihanna will make words like "umbrella" and "other" come together. How? By changing the end of the word. Umbrelluh. Othuh. Forevuh. Come on, really. Don't be surprised when you get hit by a tomatuh. Don't pass it off as an accent either.
While we're at it, "eh" is not a lyric. Nor is moaning. It's true that the 2000's don't have the most insightful lyrics when compared to its elders, but Reggae is comprised of a LOT of nonsensical gibberish. How about this gem from "Little Miss Sunshine" herself. Ladies and gentlemen, Rihanna.
"Umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh eh eh eh eh." That's a line. She wrote that as a lyric. If you're going to use any expression like "eh" or "ey", you better damn well be named James Brown. And you had better mean it. James was the Godfather of Soul for a reason: He didn't say "eh", he said "EEEEEEHHHHHHHHH!" and you knew what he meant by it.
I don't want to totally eclipse all the Reggae performers with this letter. Its true that Bob Marley was one of the greatest musicians who ever lived. But that's because Bob brought people together. He sang for causes, and people understood what he was singing about. It wasn't about having the "right temperature to shelter you from the storm" (since Sean Paul is such a great HVAC guy. He hooked up my central air conditioning.), or being suicidal from seeing too many beautiful girls. (because they only wanna do you dirrrrrr...Thanks Sean Kingston!).
All I'm saying is, can you be more coherent? Even Nirvana got the marbles out of their mouth for a FEW songs. And how about some substance? Do Bob proud and sing about something worthwhile. Isn't that what Reggae is all about?
Oh, wait. Its about smoking pot? Oh. Then it all makes sense. Disregard guys! Carry on, good job, and don't forget your eye drops and Cheetos. And stay the hell off of my lawn.
-Matt
I realize that what you do takes skill, dedication, and spirit, yet I can't help but ask you this question: What the hell are you saying?
I can distinctly make out the steel drums and your catchy club-thumping beats. I can make out parts of your chorus, but that's all. Ask me to decipher something from your verses. Hold me at gunpoint and make me recite the words you've "sung". I can't do it. No amount of pressure could help me. Is it English? Or is Reggae officially a completely independent language? Why is this news to me?
Creativity isn't something that comes easy in this life. The same holds true for hard work. Pairing the two together is, as you'd imagine, an even greater rarity. That is why both are devoid of existence in your genre of music. Let me inform you as to why this is so. For greater clarity, I will address issues with some of your more popular "artists" and their styles.
Reggae typically features a rhyming scheme. But typically the rhymes are facilitated by altering words so they magically sound alike. Singers like Rihanna will make words like "umbrella" and "other" come together. How? By changing the end of the word. Umbrelluh. Othuh. Forevuh. Come on, really. Don't be surprised when you get hit by a tomatuh. Don't pass it off as an accent either.
While we're at it, "eh" is not a lyric. Nor is moaning. It's true that the 2000's don't have the most insightful lyrics when compared to its elders, but Reggae is comprised of a LOT of nonsensical gibberish. How about this gem from "Little Miss Sunshine" herself. Ladies and gentlemen, Rihanna.
"Umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh eh eh eh eh." That's a line. She wrote that as a lyric. If you're going to use any expression like "eh" or "ey", you better damn well be named James Brown. And you had better mean it. James was the Godfather of Soul for a reason: He didn't say "eh", he said "EEEEEEHHHHHHHHH!" and you knew what he meant by it.
I don't want to totally eclipse all the Reggae performers with this letter. Its true that Bob Marley was one of the greatest musicians who ever lived. But that's because Bob brought people together. He sang for causes, and people understood what he was singing about. It wasn't about having the "right temperature to shelter you from the storm" (since Sean Paul is such a great HVAC guy. He hooked up my central air conditioning.), or being suicidal from seeing too many beautiful girls. (because they only wanna do you dirrrrrr...Thanks Sean Kingston!).
All I'm saying is, can you be more coherent? Even Nirvana got the marbles out of their mouth for a FEW songs. And how about some substance? Do Bob proud and sing about something worthwhile. Isn't that what Reggae is all about?
Oh, wait. Its about smoking pot? Oh. Then it all makes sense. Disregard guys! Carry on, good job, and don't forget your eye drops and Cheetos. And stay the hell off of my lawn.
-Matt
Friday, July 20, 2007
A Damn Fine Rut.
I am officially classified as a House Husband. Its a sugarcoated way of saying that I don't have a job. Yes, I'm unemployed. I am, however, employable. There are many skills and masteries that I have from previous jobs. Yes, I said jobs. No career yet, as I haven't found anything that really sparks my interest or passion.
My past is littered with interesting jobs. Mainly, I've been involved with sales. Out of college I blindly moved to Indiana with my then fiancee, who was attending grad school there. I took one of the first jobs I came across: A Home Wellness Consultant. Ok. Now make a list in your head of what a Home Wellness Consultant is and does. When I heard that, I assumed that it was checking for mold inside houses or looking for possible dangers inside sick peoples' homes. But knowing our world, you can easily guess that his is a completely bullshit title. The person who made my position name was the same person who called garbage men "sanitation engineers." The job was to sell vacuum cleaners. Door-to-door. A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman.
I can't begin to tell you how much this job sucked. Regardless, it gave me a really thick skin. No one wants to hear about vacuum cleaners, so you're hit with a lot of "no's". I was still able to get into many houses, and made quite a few sales. It was great experience, but the pay was awful, thanks to my crooked boss who hit me for all kinds of absurd fees with each check. While I was barely making it, he was buying new things and taking vacations. I knew he was screwing me over, so I left to get another job. I just jumped from one job to another, and I was able to do that for 4 years.
Now that we've moved from Indiana, I'm still searching for jobs in Pennsylvania. The area I'm in is supposedly designated as a HUB by the US Department of Labor. (HUB = Highly Underutilized Business Area. They didn't want to say "HUBA" because that's not appropriate.) In a nutshell, it sucks to be looking for a job here because the businesses aren't really doing well. My job search is even more difficult because of my parents. God, I love my parents. They do their damnest to help out, but they're a little hasty in their efforts.
Being and only child is both a privilege and a curse. Now, I'm seeing parts of the curse. My parents have joined my job search, mainly by using the Internet and other contacts that they've established. The big problem is the searches they've sent me. The titles of the jobs are fantastic, and the descriptions are great. Unfortunately, they've neglected to check that the jobs are in close proximity to me. Yesterday I got jobs from Atlanta, GA. I said something to my parents, and the results were a little better today: Reading, PA. and Media, PA.... which are both over 5 hours away.
Now how's that for a commute.
I think its off to a temp agency. Any semblance of pride that I had is now kind of shot. I've been a house husband for about 4 months now, and I'm really, really sick of sitting at home. I have plenty of little projects to work on, but its just not the same as helping to support the household. I did run across a fantastic prospect today... and let me tell you that this is the most premier job in this entire area...
Crossing Guard for little kids. Seasonal. (With the school year, so I get summers off! YEAH!) Must have reliable transportation. (But, if I'm a crossing guard, what's stopping me from walking? No cars are going to go through me! I have an orange sash and a flag that says "STOP!") The best part: the pay! $6.75 per hour! Holy crap! I'd be able to afford things off of a dollar menu. (Sadly, the hours are from 7:30am - 8:30am and from 2:30pm to 3pm M-F. Big dollars be damned.)
I'm so screwed.
My past is littered with interesting jobs. Mainly, I've been involved with sales. Out of college I blindly moved to Indiana with my then fiancee, who was attending grad school there. I took one of the first jobs I came across: A Home Wellness Consultant. Ok. Now make a list in your head of what a Home Wellness Consultant is and does. When I heard that, I assumed that it was checking for mold inside houses or looking for possible dangers inside sick peoples' homes. But knowing our world, you can easily guess that his is a completely bullshit title. The person who made my position name was the same person who called garbage men "sanitation engineers." The job was to sell vacuum cleaners. Door-to-door. A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman.
I can't begin to tell you how much this job sucked. Regardless, it gave me a really thick skin. No one wants to hear about vacuum cleaners, so you're hit with a lot of "no's". I was still able to get into many houses, and made quite a few sales. It was great experience, but the pay was awful, thanks to my crooked boss who hit me for all kinds of absurd fees with each check. While I was barely making it, he was buying new things and taking vacations. I knew he was screwing me over, so I left to get another job. I just jumped from one job to another, and I was able to do that for 4 years.
Now that we've moved from Indiana, I'm still searching for jobs in Pennsylvania. The area I'm in is supposedly designated as a HUB by the US Department of Labor. (HUB = Highly Underutilized Business Area. They didn't want to say "HUBA" because that's not appropriate.) In a nutshell, it sucks to be looking for a job here because the businesses aren't really doing well. My job search is even more difficult because of my parents. God, I love my parents. They do their damnest to help out, but they're a little hasty in their efforts.
Being and only child is both a privilege and a curse. Now, I'm seeing parts of the curse. My parents have joined my job search, mainly by using the Internet and other contacts that they've established. The big problem is the searches they've sent me. The titles of the jobs are fantastic, and the descriptions are great. Unfortunately, they've neglected to check that the jobs are in close proximity to me. Yesterday I got jobs from Atlanta, GA. I said something to my parents, and the results were a little better today: Reading, PA. and Media, PA.... which are both over 5 hours away.
Now how's that for a commute.
I think its off to a temp agency. Any semblance of pride that I had is now kind of shot. I've been a house husband for about 4 months now, and I'm really, really sick of sitting at home. I have plenty of little projects to work on, but its just not the same as helping to support the household. I did run across a fantastic prospect today... and let me tell you that this is the most premier job in this entire area...
Crossing Guard for little kids. Seasonal. (With the school year, so I get summers off! YEAH!) Must have reliable transportation. (But, if I'm a crossing guard, what's stopping me from walking? No cars are going to go through me! I have an orange sash and a flag that says "STOP!") The best part: the pay! $6.75 per hour! Holy crap! I'd be able to afford things off of a dollar menu. (Sadly, the hours are from 7:30am - 8:30am and from 2:30pm to 3pm M-F. Big dollars be damned.)
I'm so screwed.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Blast From the Past #1: Indiana's Abnormal Weather Patterns
The following is a blog I composed on MySpace. Its the first of a long series of blogs I'll be introducing to this new blog of mine. This begins to explain my distain with Indiana and why I was so glad to leave.
*Originally posted on July 17th, 2006 on myspace*
Indiana is damn near declaring a state of emergency due to an incredible change in the weather patterns. Recently, an apparenty unprecidented change has occurred in the natural climate of the midwest. To inform people about this freakish shift, weather stations and the national weather service have issued a Hot Weather Advisory for Indiana. Temperatures are climbing above the 90 degree mark, and to make sure Hoosiers are prepared for this change, the two above listed entities are suggesting these tips:
1.) If you feel thirsty or have a dry mouth, drink a cool beverage (preferably water). If you are exposed to warmth for too long without liquids, you could be prone to dehydration.
2.) To cool yourself off, try to find some shade. You might want to try to stay inside.
3.) When driving, be sure to roll down your windows or turn on your air conditioning. Driving can be quite uncomfortable in warmer conditions if one of these two options are not implemented.
4.) Swimming in pools or lakes can help to significantly reduce body temperatures. If neither is available to you, try a cold bath or shower to "beat the heat."
5.) As always, dress for the weather: Wearing sweaters and long pants is not advised. T-shirts and shorts prevent heat from being trapped against the body, which allows you to stay cooler.
Ok... Its all common sense. But this shit was really on the Indiana 5 o'clock news. Do we really have people that are that dense? If you're running on a hot day, your body should say "Hey, its kinda hot, and i'm kinda thirsty. You're not going to make your ideal bathing suit figure, so lets get some water, ok?"
I think survival of the fittest no longer applies: There are too many people helping the weak ones subsist until they breed... and they will breed...a lot.... Which ensures future generation of dimly lit lightbulbs to shine on for quite awhile to come.
Oh. By the way: Excessive exposure to the sun causes sunburn. Try some sunblock. Sunblock, for those who don't know, BLOCKS THE SUN'S HARMFUL RAYS.
*sigh*
*Originally posted on July 17th, 2006 on myspace*
Indiana is damn near declaring a state of emergency due to an incredible change in the weather patterns. Recently, an apparenty unprecidented change has occurred in the natural climate of the midwest. To inform people about this freakish shift, weather stations and the national weather service have issued a Hot Weather Advisory for Indiana. Temperatures are climbing above the 90 degree mark, and to make sure Hoosiers are prepared for this change, the two above listed entities are suggesting these tips:
1.) If you feel thirsty or have a dry mouth, drink a cool beverage (preferably water). If you are exposed to warmth for too long without liquids, you could be prone to dehydration.
2.) To cool yourself off, try to find some shade. You might want to try to stay inside.
3.) When driving, be sure to roll down your windows or turn on your air conditioning. Driving can be quite uncomfortable in warmer conditions if one of these two options are not implemented.
4.) Swimming in pools or lakes can help to significantly reduce body temperatures. If neither is available to you, try a cold bath or shower to "beat the heat."
5.) As always, dress for the weather: Wearing sweaters and long pants is not advised. T-shirts and shorts prevent heat from being trapped against the body, which allows you to stay cooler.
Ok... Its all common sense. But this shit was really on the Indiana 5 o'clock news. Do we really have people that are that dense? If you're running on a hot day, your body should say "Hey, its kinda hot, and i'm kinda thirsty. You're not going to make your ideal bathing suit figure, so lets get some water, ok?"
I think survival of the fittest no longer applies: There are too many people helping the weak ones subsist until they breed... and they will breed...a lot.... Which ensures future generation of dimly lit lightbulbs to shine on for quite awhile to come.
Oh. By the way: Excessive exposure to the sun causes sunburn. Try some sunblock. Sunblock, for those who don't know, BLOCKS THE SUN'S HARMFUL RAYS.
*sigh*
Is this thing on?
Consider this a really long, drawn out mission statement. I'm not looking to change the world here. Basically this blog serves a few purposes:
1.) To point out absurdities, on the world level down to things I've observed, for people to laugh at. If you can't poke fun at things, then you probably live a very miserable life. I aim to soften the blow of things that make life undesirable. Sure, its a coping mechanism, but its also a few cheap laughs. Try not to take things so seriously, ok?
2.) For me to get some things off my chest. Its a sort of self therapy, I suppose. I'm also looking for comments about the things I write, so don't be shy to give me your two cents. And don't be an asshole: If you're not contributing to the conversation or to improving my writing style, then just don't type it. You don't have to type "You suck." because that's a known fact. Just like how everyone knows that Tom Cruise is crazy or that Bon Jovi is a government created conspiracy to spread American Values through pop culture. Its just implied and common sense. So save yourself the effort.
3.) To interact with other people. I want other people's views. My worldview is limited, but I'm surprisingly observant of the things that happen around me. If you see similar things going down in your neighborhood, let me know. Maybe we can make some of my local observations into something bigger. Like something that will change the world. Wait, I forgot. I'm not trying to change the world. Damn. Scratch the last half of #3, ok?
4.) Just for fun. Blogging can be fun, or so I've heard. I know some of the things I write about won't concern others, but maybe it can strike a chord with one or two of you out there. If I can at least partially amuse someone, then its mission accomplished in my eyes.
Great. Legal crap out of the way. Now about me: I'm a 20-something male who is currently unemployed. In the past, I've had a number of jobs which have ranged from Door-to-Door salesman to Manager of a for-profit educational company. There is no hesitation when I say that I have hated most of my jobs. (Who wants to be a door-to-door salesman when they're a kid?) I'm constantly trying to discover where I fit into the work world, but I'm having a hard time finding entry level C.E.O. positions.
One of the big issues in finding job happiness is that I'm not very materialistic. I don't define myself by the things I have. Nice things are just that: nice. But far from essential. As long as I have the base needs covered, I'm absolutely fine. That being said, if I won Powerball tomorrow I wouldn't reject the check. I'd rather have crazy intrinsic satisfaction from my job. The feeling that I did a good job or that I was appreciated, or that I helped someone accomplish their goals. I would use my college degree, (in Political Science... more on that later...), but politics is a bit too dilluted for me. Its just not effective enough to make a difference. I absolutely HATE politics, but still find myself discussing them, thanks to my wonderful educational background. I can hold my own in these types of discussions, but I typically avoid them, for the same reason that I avoid slamming my head repeatedly against walls. (Rarely does anything good come from those experiences.)
I'm also married, (2 years now!), to my lovely wife. She was the first girl I dated that wasn't absolutely batshit crazy. (Yes, batshit is worse than apeshit, if you were wondering.) She's patient, able to formulate her own opinion, and hot. Which covers all the bases. I'm nuts about her, but you will find that I'll write about our interactions quite a bit. That's the fun of marriage: the husband and wife don't always have to agree. If they did always see eye to eye, then all the fun would be taken out of it. Isn't a little difference good now and again? (Look at Arby's. They built a fast-food empire on that notion. So why can't I build a marriage on that?)
Right. So if you have feedback, let me know. But don't be an ass about it. If I want mindlessness I'll turn on Jerry Springer or something. Or move back to Indiana, where we just moved from. (If you can't tell, I was not a fan of the Hoosier State.)
I've spent the past 2 years blogging in other places, most notible of them is MySpace. Hopefully this will be better than that, but I'll be importing some of my classic posts over to blogspot. This will provide you with some insight into what I've been through, and therefore, a better idea of who I am. Plus, there are some laughs hidden in there, so I've got that going for me as well.
For now, enjoy this fantastic rambling of mine, and dream about the wonderful, wonderful things I'll eventually post here. Aim low, readers, Aim low. This way, I'll surpass all of your expectations and then some!
1.) To point out absurdities, on the world level down to things I've observed, for people to laugh at. If you can't poke fun at things, then you probably live a very miserable life. I aim to soften the blow of things that make life undesirable. Sure, its a coping mechanism, but its also a few cheap laughs. Try not to take things so seriously, ok?
2.) For me to get some things off my chest. Its a sort of self therapy, I suppose. I'm also looking for comments about the things I write, so don't be shy to give me your two cents. And don't be an asshole: If you're not contributing to the conversation or to improving my writing style, then just don't type it. You don't have to type "You suck." because that's a known fact. Just like how everyone knows that Tom Cruise is crazy or that Bon Jovi is a government created conspiracy to spread American Values through pop culture. Its just implied and common sense. So save yourself the effort.
3.) To interact with other people. I want other people's views. My worldview is limited, but I'm surprisingly observant of the things that happen around me. If you see similar things going down in your neighborhood, let me know. Maybe we can make some of my local observations into something bigger. Like something that will change the world. Wait, I forgot. I'm not trying to change the world. Damn. Scratch the last half of #3, ok?
4.) Just for fun. Blogging can be fun, or so I've heard. I know some of the things I write about won't concern others, but maybe it can strike a chord with one or two of you out there. If I can at least partially amuse someone, then its mission accomplished in my eyes.
Great. Legal crap out of the way. Now about me: I'm a 20-something male who is currently unemployed. In the past, I've had a number of jobs which have ranged from Door-to-Door salesman to Manager of a for-profit educational company. There is no hesitation when I say that I have hated most of my jobs. (Who wants to be a door-to-door salesman when they're a kid?) I'm constantly trying to discover where I fit into the work world, but I'm having a hard time finding entry level C.E.O. positions.
One of the big issues in finding job happiness is that I'm not very materialistic. I don't define myself by the things I have. Nice things are just that: nice. But far from essential. As long as I have the base needs covered, I'm absolutely fine. That being said, if I won Powerball tomorrow I wouldn't reject the check. I'd rather have crazy intrinsic satisfaction from my job. The feeling that I did a good job or that I was appreciated, or that I helped someone accomplish their goals. I would use my college degree, (in Political Science... more on that later...), but politics is a bit too dilluted for me. Its just not effective enough to make a difference. I absolutely HATE politics, but still find myself discussing them, thanks to my wonderful educational background. I can hold my own in these types of discussions, but I typically avoid them, for the same reason that I avoid slamming my head repeatedly against walls. (Rarely does anything good come from those experiences.)
I'm also married, (2 years now!), to my lovely wife. She was the first girl I dated that wasn't absolutely batshit crazy. (Yes, batshit is worse than apeshit, if you were wondering.) She's patient, able to formulate her own opinion, and hot. Which covers all the bases. I'm nuts about her, but you will find that I'll write about our interactions quite a bit. That's the fun of marriage: the husband and wife don't always have to agree. If they did always see eye to eye, then all the fun would be taken out of it. Isn't a little difference good now and again? (Look at Arby's. They built a fast-food empire on that notion. So why can't I build a marriage on that?)
Right. So if you have feedback, let me know. But don't be an ass about it. If I want mindlessness I'll turn on Jerry Springer or something. Or move back to Indiana, where we just moved from. (If you can't tell, I was not a fan of the Hoosier State.)
I've spent the past 2 years blogging in other places, most notible of them is MySpace. Hopefully this will be better than that, but I'll be importing some of my classic posts over to blogspot. This will provide you with some insight into what I've been through, and therefore, a better idea of who I am. Plus, there are some laughs hidden in there, so I've got that going for me as well.
For now, enjoy this fantastic rambling of mine, and dream about the wonderful, wonderful things I'll eventually post here. Aim low, readers, Aim low. This way, I'll surpass all of your expectations and then some!
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